Subtle awareness

215 pages into Ken Wilber's One Taste: barely an improvement worth mentioning.

However, something interesting to note, a series of odd experiences occurred to me within sleep this morning.

After sleeping at an unfamiliar place for about six hours, or so, I woke up and walked the chilly sidewalk to my townhouse and promptly hopped into my own bed to continue my slumber. Paying close attention to my waking awareness, I was able to hold it firm as I slipped into a distinctly subtle, dream-like, state. I could feel my bed and pillow beneath me and, somehow, simultaneously felt my mind reaching outwards in a seemingly infinite number of directions.

So, in order to test where my awareness truly was (gross or subtle,) I very abruptly attempted to roll off the bed; my "body" began to roll. Not falling onto the floor, however, but spinning continuously in an empty space. The dream images began to present themselves - random and spontaneous. Over the course of an hour and a half, I entertained at least twenty different dreams in which my awareness was maintained throughout.

At one point in time I was plunged into the middle of a group of people dressed in winter clothing with capes, stumbling in the snow; running away from a village aside a mountain. I, myself (despite warning from others,) ran towards the mountain to see what was going on! Excited, I was without fear.

In a different dream I encountered a forest-like area inhabited by beautiful plants and people. I remember thinking, 'When I die, if my awareness remained in this subtle, dream-type realm, I wouldn't mind ending up here!

As a dream was nearing its end (not by my choice,) I became very aware my eyelids and, at one point, I seemed to be able to open them and see double (the frames on my wall aside my bed - and - the dream I currently was experiencing.) Once a dream completely ended, I was awake in my bed with my eyes open. To start another lucid dream, I only needed to close my eyes, focus my attention on the "empty space" within my mind, and initiate that silly rolling mechanism.

Other notable dreams that morning are as follows:

I was indeed directed to hell, brushing most of the obscene scenery aside (I don't have much memory of it.) I do, however, remember meeting the Devil himself. I remember smiling and telling him I love him. His red face (complete with horns) spun around one hundred & eighty degrees and revealed a mechanical-like face, something like this. He then uttered "I am the man with no face!" (Stephen King, anyone?) and then he vanished.

Another dream:

A sexual tour of history with many naked women and arousing acts. As I was falling through people's bedrooms and kaleidoscopic collages of naughtiness, I eventually reached the center of the experience and saw the Devil - which I thought was interesting (perhaps that's my early Catholic conditioning I endured as a child.)

Sometimes, before a dream would start, I would get a unique introduction of sorts to the dream I was about to experience. I received a "warning" or an "alert" as if over the loudspeaker of my dream world - and I would be falling into a red & hellish hole. It didn't matter however. I loved and accepted it as part of my psyche and there was no fear.

(On a side note: one trend I've noticed, in general, if I wake up after six or so hours of sleep, walking around - or something like using the restroom - and then falling asleep again, would cause my awareness to stay fairly within my grasp during all the moments between the realization of physical reality and the realization of the dream world.)

My awareness continued throughout the dreaming and therefore I began to obtain some sense of control over the arena. I (and I think the way I went about this is very weird) began to utter commands to the images around me. I thought of the space I was in as a "holodeck" like system from the Star Trek series. At first, I was spinning around (I had just "rolled out of bed") and fell through floors/moved through walls, etc. Not a sense of control:

"Computer," I would speak, "create a white room!"

The images surrounding me began to scatter and in their places appeared four white walls in which I was enclosed.

At this point, I had the bright idea of attempting to search the subtle arenas for an answer to my chronic derealization experience (something I've not been able to locate a solution for since its inception in 2006.)

"Computer, summon a Doctor" (I completed this step several times over, all with distinctly different Doctors appearing: I don't remember all the responses given but, given the repetition, I guess the answers weren't satisfactory to me. Most of them would mumble and provide cryptic answers. One case I do remember, the physician was wandering around erratically:)

"Computer, the Doctor shall stand still."

The physician stood tall.

"Doctor, how can I fix my derealization?"

"It's not complicated at all," he responded, "simply eat cookies!"

I should have attended that Cookie Swap I was invited to, I suppose.

Another Doctor I summoned responded:

"You hold the keys to the world Steve, it's easy."

Perhaps I do.

S.C.